Monday, September 27, 2010

Something Creative

I had a break-up, or perhaps I should say I had another break-up. And I decided I don't want another relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love relationships, particularly the part where guys go out of their ways to find creative ways to woo girls. I even like the next phase where they pay for your dinners and celebrate anniversaries with you. What I absolutely hate are the break-ups. If you are wondering why someone as awesome as me is writing such a sentimental post-break-up lament, rest assured, I am not. I am not begrudging guys the joy of breaking up at all. I fully appreciate the fact that a break up is their birth right and they shall have it. My only disappointment lies in how extremely unimaginative they are at it!
Consider the reasons guys give for a break-up and how boring and pointless they are! The first and most classic one: "I need space"...umm... go get a flat? I mean when you asked me out, you did know I am not in the land allocation committee, right? And they usually save this one for when you are a thousand miles away from them!
The second glorious, all pervading reason is "You have changed". Well, mate, if your affection is so subject to temporal invariance, maybe you should date The Statue of Liberty. Anyway I have been told ( by an overzealous metallurgist) that her nose is corroding, so I guess she doesn't make the cut either.
This one is my personal favourite: "Things have changed". Yes dear, they have! Your precious white shirt for example is no longer white, or even much of a shirt, but trust me that is in no way my fault! Neither is the death of the hamster aunt Muriel gave you.
Face it guys, you suck at explaining yourselves. So you have two options. The first, play it safe with "I don't know". Trust me it won't take any girl very long to add this one more thing to the long list which you have no clue about. This however I am now utterly bored of and have no intention of putting up with.
The second, and this is the only thing that can lure me into a relationship, is to be creative! Lets face it, your reasons are never believable anyway. So the least you can do is make them interesting! I am listing a few possible openings that you might want to build on:
1. I got mutated and I turn into a toad every full moon...
2. I just realized my imaginary friend Alex is a girl...
3. I own a pink shirt...
4. My nose grows an inch every time I kiss...
5. I have developed a fetish for green skin...

But honestly, if you really want that break-up, you could try "I'm just not that into you"...


  1. how about I'm done being into you

  2. though lukin for creativity in break-ups might be an overkill, still howabout

    "the ice was broken long ago.. but i feel it went chilly again"

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. well written but i'll heavily criticize...
    1. people do need their "space"...come on, be it new lappy or new job or new relation, there is initially lots of excitement. but after sometime it gets monotonous... so it's normal to grow interest in other things as well n hence u need 2 respect ur partner's will and give him the space he deserves!!
    2. "you have changed" is more used by girls than guys!!! i'm personally fed up listening to it!!! i mean, this phrase should be banned...i still don't understand what does one mean by "i dont love you, i love the old you"!!!
    3. "Things have changed"- like i said in my first point...u dont keep looking at ur 1yr old blackberry n say "wow, what an amazing phone"!!! things are bound to change and as soon as u accept that fact and move on to the next phase, the better it is for you!
    4. the worst weapon u girls use is sento....start crying or say "u used me" or "how could u do this to me"....oh pls, get real! and always somehow u girls manage to make us boys look like the villain!!!

  5. nice blog... although i must say, not all guys are like that.

    -Secret Admirer

  6. kuch bhi !! Bandiyan to sab sati savitri hoti hain who stick to their guys through thick and thin and give wonderfully creative reasons while breaking up ...

  7. damn i could have sworn "I'm just not that into you" was a song...

    well anyway there's this one -

  8. @ Saptak, Sumeet : This was about how to break up with me. I am not suggesting girls are any more creative or loyal, but I really am straight!
    @ deepu :Thanku!
    @Amrita and someone anonymous: thanks for adding to the list
    @another nameless person: its a movie, and I dont wanna see the link
    @Secret Admirer: did you change your name with your parents' permission?

  9. Hi,
    It seems that your recurrence of make/break ups have come to an end. Congratulations. As for the post, it is certainly useful. Interested people can know why is it futile to proceed.

    P.S. this is why like chicken. They just don't break up. Only I can break them.

  10. I can't remember what I said during the breakup but as far as I can remember I did not say any of the things you mentioned in the post. :)

  11. @Tiya - Sorry for the delay, I could not find the link to your blog. :P
    I never said that "U Have Changed". I think I said something else. I cannot remember. As you know I have a bad memory. :D