Something Creative

I had a break-up, or perhaps I should say I had another break-up. And I decided I don't want another relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love relationships, particularly the part where guys go out of their ways to find creative ways to woo girls. I even like the next phase where they pay for your dinners and celebrate anniversaries with you. What I absolutely hate are the break-ups. If you are wondering why someone as awesome as me is writing such a sentimental post-break-up lament, rest assured, I am not. I am not begrudging guys the joy of breaking up at all. I fully appreciate the fact that a break up is their birth right and they shall have it. My only disappointment lies in how extremely unimaginative they are at it!

Consider the reasons guys give for a break-up and how boring and pointless they are! The first and most classic one: "I need space"...umm... go get a flat? I mean when you asked me out, you did know I am not in the land allocation committee, right? And they usually save this one for when you are a thousand miles away from them!

The second glorious, all pervading reason is "You have changed". Well, mate, if your affection is so subject to temporal invariance, maybe you should date The Statue of Liberty. Anyway I have been told ( by an overzealous metallurgist) that her nose is corroding, so I guess she doesn't make the cut either.

This one is my personal favourite: "Things have changed". Yes dear, they have! Your precious white shirt for example is no longer white, or even much of a shirt, but trust me that is in no way my fault! Neither is the death of the hamster aunt Muriel gave you.

Face it guys, you suck at explaining yourselves. So you have two options. The first, play it safe with "I don't know". Trust me it won't take any girl very long to add this one more thing to the long list which you have no clue about. This however I am now utterly bored of and have no intention of putting up with.

The second, and this is the only thing that can lure me into a relationship, is to be creative! Lets face it, your reasons are never believable anyway. So the least you can do is make them interesting! I am listing a few possible openings that you might want to build on:

1. I got mutated and I turn into a toad every full moon...

2. I just realized my imaginary friend Alex is a girl...

3. I own a pink shirt...

4. My nose grows an inch every time I kiss...

5. I have developed a fetish for green skin...

But honestly, if you really want that break-up, you could try "I'm just not that into you"...

A Nine Year Old's Suicide Note

Dear mommy and daddy and everyone else,

I had lots of fun with you. But I got bored of having fun. The other things to do, in which you don't have fun, are terribly boring too. So, like I told all of you, I decided to die. I am sorry for being a disobedient girl. You all told me not to die for some reason. Mommy, you, asked me to think about how daddy would feel and daddy told me that mommy couldn't live without me. Suzie told me to not make mom and dad feel bad. Brother asked me to stay alive for my friends and his friend Dave told me that my brother loved me and this would hurt him a lot. But I think either all of you are lying or none of you know the truth. Because I spoke to all the people who others said would miss me. And all of them said that somebody else will mind. But nobody told me that they wanted me to live. Nobody said that they will miss me, or that they will be sad if I am not here anymore. So I asked all of you and no one had any problem. For all of the people each of you mentioned, I spoke to them and found out that they don't mind me dying.

So I am going to die, Good Bye. It was a lot of fun to have lived with all of you.HUG.BYEBYE!!!

Amy

Female Standard Time

This one is for all my male friends and all my female friends' male friends.

Guys around the World, understand this: women don't run on Greenwich Mean Time (no, not even the ones in Greenwich ) and you cannot blame them for it. Do not badger them with the virtues of punctuality and don't even try to impress upon them how extremely boring your wait for their arrival was. Trust me, they are not at fault. On the contrary, it is you who is unbelievably ignorant and naive!

My dear gentlemen, welcome to the concept of Female Standard Time( FST ) ! Women function on this completely different time zone than those mindlessly defined on our male dominated planet. The zone in which a woman resides in Female Standard Time is related to your idea of timezone in the following manner:

1. In FST events are marked by the time when preparation for it begins as opposed to when the event itself is held as is the custom in your timezones.

2. The beginning of preparation for any event in FST is set exactly half hour before the event itself is scheduled in the corresponding local time of the region.

3. Any event in FST takes place exactly after the necessary preparations are duly completed barring emergency situations.

4. Emergencies include bad hair days, chipped nail paint, broken heels and the likes.

Once you make yourself familiar with the above concept, you will realize that the women in your life are always on time! For any event scheduled in local time, they punctually start preparing exactly half hour before. That girls are always early for classes but late for dates is a direct corollary, since the first takes around fifteen minutes to get ready for while the second takes hours! The fact that breakfast is always too early and dinner always too late is another very straightforward outcome of the above principles.

I hope I have cast enough light on the issue to make all rational men realize how unfair they are to think women have no sense of time. I hope to see them acknowledge the timezone mismatch, and schedule their appointments with women accordingly. But then again, I'm hoping for rational men to exist, which in itself is far-fetched...

Falling In Love

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story are fictional. Any resemblance to some person or event is by no means a mere coincidence.

It all started some 5 or 6 years ago when an extremely immature girl came across a quite average guy and by some complex reasoning, or the lack of it, believed him to be the most wonderful person she had ever met. Well, that is when it all started for the girl in our story; because start it does everyday, every minute, when somebody in this world finds somebody else to be out of this world! But coming back to our story, the girl thought long and hard about how extraordinarily perfect this guy was, and came to the conclusion, that, it would only be logical to fall in love with him. The next steps were pretty simple, since with all the books and movies publicizing it, everyone in today's world knows what to do when you fall in love. So she did it all with great enthusiasm: she thought about him, wrote immature poetry and completely lost her power of speech whenever she caught sight of him. She did it all for a long time too, till she realized movies were movies and books were books and nobody went back to check if they really did live happily ever after. She had friends, guys, who in the mean time had found her to be their 'amazing person' and, as the books and movies tell us, had decided to propose to her. Exactly what was proposed was never quite clear, for there was rarely a straightforward proposal involved. Regardless, our heroine kept refusing till one day she realized there was one friend she found more amazing than her most amazing person! She thought long and hard about him, and he about her, and he asked her out (again out where was not an issue) and she said yes and they fell in love with each other. This time it was like the movies, with all the beautiful scenes and nice long walks, but absolutely no song and dance sequences involved! There was even a lot of romantic dialog and staying awake thinking about each other, in short it was the much hyped 'true love'! The truth however varies along the time axis, which is the primary reason for all complications in human history (followed closely by boredom and dissatisfaction). So, things got complicated, and the 'true love' wasn't so true anymore, and there being very few books and movies about it, they had no idea how to deal with it! So they 'broke up', because that's what people did when things got complicated, and regretted it, because that's what people did when they break up! But what really made our now quite mature girl lose all faith in the books and movies was when 'true love' happened a second time! This was in direct contradiction to every scripted and visual story she had experienced and so, for the first time she decided to do it her way. She liked it too, and had loads of fun, and dreamed lots of dreams about the present and the future! Some of these, to her utter delight, started coming true! Some others fought obstinately and remained forever elusive fantasies. It was these that got her upset and made her doubt love again. They even went so far as to make her question her preformed notions about this thing they called 'true love'. It was then that magic happened. It was then that she found love and it was always very true indeed. Because love she did and loved she was and it was no longer restricted between two insignificantly tiny people on a planet called Earth. It was, in fact, shared by a lot of insignificant tiny creatures on a planet called Earth. And that was what made it neither insignificant, nor tiny! It was the force that preserved life on earth, in spite of the extreme dullness involved. Because love made you love life, and just when you were about to give up on it, it would very cleverly remind you of how your dog snuggled against your legs or the card your mom gave you for your 12th birthday! And then love would challenge you, and mock you, till you finally conceded that you were, in fact, utterly, completely and irrevocably in love...with your World!

p.s. I know most of you started reading this just to find out about my love life. Well, sorry but the story does not describe my love life. Else it would include a certain puppy called Figo and a lot of chocolate sundaes.

Shower Personality Test!!

It is absolutely Accurate and based on pure logic!! Check out what your showering habits tell about you!

When in a shower which of these parts do you wash first?

Face

Hands

Feet

Armpits

Scroll down for your personality

If you chose:

Face: You seem to be quite a clown!...professionally

Hands: You are probably a person who tends to pick their nose a lot

Feet: You are a type of person who puts off buying a new pair of shoes

Armpits: You are a simple individual who is possibly unfamiliar to deodorant

Not Worth a Read..

It was sheer laziness that prevented me from blogging all these years, and sheer joblessness that finally made me write one. Whether I will ever write a second entry is doubtful. Whether anyone will bother to read this one (in spite of the title) is worth a watch. The reason I chose to blog is simple. For quite a while now, I've been dying to say a lot of things, which, if I told anyone personally, would fetch me air-tickets to an asylum! people tend to digest a lot of crap in text form though, particularly when it is not addressed to them individually.Hence the blog!
That being said I have spent a lot of time trying to come up with a name and template for my blog, chosen pretty crappy ones, and in the process completely forgotten all the things I wanted to say in the first place. I remember feeling pretty strongly about something when I started and I still feel pretty strongly about forgetting what it was all about. So I will do a good deed and spare the reader the cash for the aforementioned air ticket. I will bring this entry to an end, wish a goodnight to all (people only read arbit blogs at night) and go to bed!!!