Monday, August 2, 2010

Female Standard Time

This one is for all my male friends and all my female friends' male friends.

Guys around the World, understand this: women don't run on Greenwich Mean Time (no, not even the ones in Greenwich ) and you cannot blame them for it. Do not badger them with the virtues of punctuality and don't even try to impress upon them how extremely boring your wait for their arrival was. Trust me, they are not at fault. On the contrary, it is you who is unbelievably ignorant and naive!

My dear gentlemen, welcome to the concept of Female Standard Time( FST ) ! Women function on this completely different time zone than those mindlessly defined on our male dominated planet. The zone in which a woman resides in Female Standard Time is related to your idea of timezone in the following manner:
1. In FST events are marked by the time when preparation for it begins as opposed to when the event itself is held as is the custom in your timezones.
2. The beginning of preparation for any event in FST is set exactly half hour before the event itself is scheduled in the corresponding local time of the region.
3. Any event in FST takes place exactly after the necessary preparations are duly completed barring emergency situations.
4. Emergencies include bad hair days, chipped nail paint, broken heels and the likes.

Once you make yourself familiar with the above concept, you will realize that the women in your life are always on time! For any event scheduled in local time, they punctually start preparing exactly half hour before. That girls are always early for classes but late for dates is a direct corollary, since the first takes around fifteen minutes to get ready for while the second takes hours! The fact that breakfast is always too early and dinner always too late is another very straightforward outcome of the above principles.

I hope I have cast enough light on the issue to make all rational men realize how unfair they are to think women have no sense of time. I hope to see them acknowledge the timezone mismatch, and schedule their appointments with women accordingly. But then again, I'm hoping for rational men to exist, which in itself is far-fetched...


  1. Cool theory, you have taken care of the how, what about the why? :P

  2. Well, you did not consider the frame of reference of the poor guy. I mean, time and space can have different values depending on the frame you are in...

  3. @Sudeep: because girls and guys are different
    @Shubhayu: the standard measures are all in the frame of a guys reference, I am just suggesting that if girls are studied from a guys frame of reference, necessary compensations should be made...

  4. Nice post. I hope this is able to generate more patience in guys as it seems least likely that girls are willing to compromise on this matter.

  5. for the 1st time in quite some time I genuinely liked a blog . not just this page, but the whole blog..
    thumbs up (quite a few times :) )

  6. @dd: thanku thanku
    @devdeep: y do u care? u date cooked chicken...

  7. Gr8 idea! but why did Einstein ignore it when framing the theory of relativity? He never had dates?

  8. @tiya: I care for the rest of the guys community who may not be willing to date cooked chicken. :)

  9. @Abhimanyuda: there is nothing relative about the theory, it is a fixed time zone, with a different concept of origin
    @Devdeep: they will have to bear with FST then

  10. thanks for this piece of advice..:)

  11. Naive question, but couldn't help pointing out !! Do women follow FST in bed also ??


  12. the best post in your blog...a lot of wit in it :)